So, my mind wandered to another off-the-wall type company of my own:
Pat on the Back, Inc.
"Call us any time you or someone you know needs a pat on the back. Great for you new promotion, retirement or graduation. Financing available. If we aren't there in one hour, we'll say, "Great job" for free! Toot your own horn, make sure your co-workers know you are doing a great job! Call us now!"
(Disclaimer: Yes, I know AAA is the service and not the battery type)